HEE HEE HEE. . .


width="238" height="196" alt="Sophia Petrillo
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target="_blank">Which Golden Girl Are You?

More posting later, I promise. However, right now, I'm deeply immersed in Dan Savage's new book. But don't worry; the Monday Mission, new (ok, it's last week's) Strong Bad Email, and more is on the way. <sup>1

1. Footnotes are fun, aren't they? ;)</sup>

SO, JAY. . .WHAT'S BEEN NEW WITH YOU?

I've just been in a funk, that's all. I was sick of my job, and sick of being sick, so I took the week off. I sent out resumes with the lightning speed of . . .well, lightning. I've probably cut off my nose to spite my face in quitting like I did, but all well. Temporary agencies are pretty forgiving. And there's always more temp agencies, if Ajilon isn't. I've also been rockin out to Evanescence, whose lead singer is both hot, and has a hot voice. Kazaa that shit and get some music! But be careful, lots of the copies have bullshit copy protection in em. It's a hit or miss kinda thing.

Things that happened this week:

I officially became a homosexual stereotype: Relationship started and ended in two weeks. Things are still good between us, just a wrong place, wrong time, kind of thing.

I saw Maid In Manhattan on Wednesday with yet another Mike. Cute guy, but I didn't catch any vibe. Just chalk him up in my list of (five and counting) "gay friends named Mike, Michael, or Mikey." No harm, no foul, right?

The alternator went out in my car today. So even if I wanted to go to work today, I couldn't have. Hurrah, $75 bucks I'll get to spend that I wasn't counting on! Plus, since I couldn't go pick up my check today, Christmas will either be a mad dash on Tuesday, or not happen till after the holidays. O Frabjous Day! Callooh Callay!

(Actually, the fact that it's the alternator makes me feel a bit better, as I was afraid that the putt-putt-putt that my car was doing meant the Transmission was going out. But Still. . . .)

Found out that Webster's substituting my accounting classes at SMS for at least one of my required classes here. Technically, on paper, I can still graduate in May, hours-wise, but with the way scheduling looks, I think I'll probably end up taking *one* class in the summer, and graduate then. Bah!!!!

Hrmm. what else? Guess that's it for the moment. Oh yeah, Jennifer's home! Silly girl got a little tipsy at the *our first semester of hell of over* party on Wednesday, and I got passed around to all of her cute law school friends like a cheap whore. Not that I minded, really ;)

I'M BAAAACK. . .

Sorry for the lack of posts for the past few days, I just wasn't in a bloggin mood. I've got lots to talk about in the next few posts, but here's a lighthearted quiz to brighten your day. Thanks Todd!





WHAT HOLLYWOOD STARLETTE OF THE 90'S ARE YOU?

this quiz was made by the sunni bunni bear

Grr. . . just who I wanted to be. Sassy! The only other person I'd want to be would be Rose McGowan. Totally Hot. Too bad Parker Posey wasn't an option.

CHRIS PORCELLI ROCKS HARDCORE!

So, last night, I went to the River of Toys concert last night with Greg, "Hot" Dallas, and his newly acquired boyfriend, Rob. Our friend Mark showed up later, as well. Decent concert, for The River. Chris Porcelli, 13 year old son of this schmuck, tried his best to entertain us with pianist interpretations of classics from the likes of Styx, The Beatles, and Queen. He finished his "gig" with Jerry Lee Lewis' classic, Great Balls of Fire. Poor kid. He was a pretty good pianist for 13, but I felt like I was at a really bad Christmas concert in grade school. Or as Dallas likened it, "It's like we're at his Bar Mitzvah, and we'll have to carry him around The Pageant after he's done." (*sigh* He's cute, charming, and a lawyer. But horribly out of my league. I like hanging out with him anyway.)

The concert was a relatively entertaining time. The opening band, Sangria, or something, was ok. Lisa Loeb was ok, if one can use that term loosely. Being the evil man that I am, when she played one of her two hit songs, I just wanted to yell out, "So THAT's who you are!" Sister Hazel was what I expected. Better Than Ezra was great! Good stage presence, and I knew more of their songs than I thought I knew.

All in all, a good time was had by all, I think.

And today, that good time was lessened by a raging sore throat and pounding headache. I love sinus infections! *pffft*

IT'S MONDAY, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. . .


1. So, what do you want for Christmas this year that you probably won't get?

I want a CD Burner, an MP3 player, a different job, and my car repaired. I'm a simple man.

2. What do you know you will be receiving for Christmas this year?

I'm getting a previously mentioned Featherbed, and I know I'm got the new Austin Powers Movie.

3. If you had the means to do so, what presents would you get some of your fellow bloggers? Be specific, it's more fun that way!

Hrm. .. let's see. . . for Jen, I'd get . . .well, actually, I still might get it for her, so I'll keep it a surprise.

For Lisa, I'd get her a postage meter, so she wouldn't have to leave the house for her Ebay sales.

For Jared, a couple of cases of Guiness, or something from her wish list.

4. Do you support any organizations that provide for the less fortunate during the holidays? Or do any volunteer work?

Nope. I'm a selfish bastard, and I don't mind admitting it.

5. Each year about this time, I notice Church attendance seems to spike, then drops off sharply after Christmas. It tickles me that these folks think they are pulling a fast one on the Big Guy. What is the most recent thing guilt has motivated you to do?

Pleading the fifth on that one. For those of you in the know, check out my online diary, and I'll tell you more about it, along with some recent neuroses and what not. (It's password protected, so if you ask me real nice, I might give you access)

6. According to the commercials, the only way to truly tell someone you love them on Christmas day is to let them "Unwrap a Jaguar" automobile. Are there any examples of excessive commercialism and/or blatant disregard for the "Christmas Spirit" that really get under your skin?

Uh. Look around at any retail place. Nuff said. I used to work in retail during Christmas, and I think that's why I'm horribly disdainful toward the holiday season.

7. I remember a song where the singers wished they could teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. What would you like to teach the world?

The complete version of Auld Lang Syne. Damned Drunkies never get it right every year.

BONUS: Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

See above. How could you not know when it's shoved down yo' throat immediately, if not before, Thanksgiving?

DISCLAIMER: I'm fighting a sinus infection today, and I'm not feeling my best. So ignore the bitchiness toward the holidays this fine Monday Morning.

OK, I KNOW IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, BUT(T). . .

this is wrong, on so many levels. And that smiling child obviously has no idea what's going on. The question I have is: is that thing to scale?

While finding info on the length of the colon, I came upon this. It reminds me of the SNL skit about the high fiber cereal. Heh heh heh.

LAST NIGHT WAS . . .FUN

Just got back from Doug's about an hour ago. After begging, pleading, and then just resigning to pouting, I still can't convince Mom to let me put my new Featherbed and Sheets on my bed. Bah! The downside to ordering your own Christmas present has arrived. It's just sitting in a box, taunting me.

Went out to Doug's last night to cook him a dinner consisting of this, a modified version of this, (as fucking Schnucks didn't have lemon curd; I substituted Strawberries instead), and lots of this.

All in all, the dinner was a moderate success. I felt a bit awkward, as I wasn't in *my* kitchen, so I was a bit on edge until dinner had been completed. No offense to Doug, but it's obvious that cooking doesn't happen very often in that house, so I had to make do with what I had. The dinner could've been much better if I had better acclimated to my surroundings.

Anyway, a good time was had by all, and I think I shall nap for a little while, and try to recoup.

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!

Duh. I can't believe I forgot about that. BTW, ladies, be careful out there.

NOW YOU'D THINK IT WOULD'VE HEADED HERE:

This was a great idea. Even better, it was signed for. Now the only question is, will he get his Digital Camera for being a good boy, not to mention so efficent?

AHH. . . POLITICAL INCORRECTNESS IS STILL FUNNY . . .

I recently remembered that I had lost my Girls Are Pretty link in my ever-expanding blogroll, and am pleased that I once again have highlights like these to brighten my day in this dreary rainy day.

GUESS WHAT WE'RE DOING SOMETIME?

This goes out to any one of my local readers, but I think I'd like to see this movie, preceded by this, this, or at the very least, this.

OH NO, HOW WILL I EVER LEARN TO LIVE AGAIN?

Looks like one of my favorite hair bands is finally bitten the dust for good. Hopefully, Poison won't follow suit, and call it quits too.

Oh yeah, funny thing happened this morning. Woke up late (not so funny, more par for the course these days), but on my way to work, the cops were out in full force on St. Charles Rock Road. In the five minutes it took from I-170 to work, I saw three cops had people pulled over. Including a bus. Heh heh. There ain't nuthin funnier than that.

OH NO, HOW WILL I EVER LEARN TO LIVE AGAIN?

Looks like one of my favorite hair bands is finally bitten the dust for good. Hopefully, Poison won't follow suit, and call it quits too.

Oh yeah, funny thing happened this morning. Woke up late (not so funny, more par for the course these days), but on my way to work, the cops were out in full force on St. Charles Rock Road. In the five minutes it took from I-170 to work, I saw three cops had people pulled over. Including a bus. Heh heh. There ain't nuthin funnier than that.

WELL, YOU *KNEW* THERE HAD TO BE SOME HORROR STORIES. . .

Thanks to Promo Guy, also a Trading Spaces Fan, for this helpful tale of warning. However, I still think you know what you're getting over, and shouldn't be horribly pissed, even if you don't like it.

AT LEAST I'M NOT SCREECH . . .


Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

Thanks to Todd for another quick way to waste time at work.

Oh yeah, and after nearly a month's hiatus. . . one of my favorite bloggers has finally updated. BTW, I would probably write for NBC, not CBS. Days of Our Lives or Passions are freaky enough that my stories would be the "tame" ones, by comparison.

JUST A QUICK POST TO LET YOU KNOW I'M STILL ALIVE

1) I took the plunge. I'll expound more later, cause right now, I'm still getting used to the words in my head.

2) An article that intrigued me. Don't take offense if you think this applies to you, dear reader. Just some food for thought.

PAGING RANDOM READER. . .

Just checked out my site stats, and I noticed a reader from mccann.com. Dear reader, whoever you are, drop me a line, please. I'd like to see what you do, where you are, and if there are any possible job opps for me. Heh heh. Networking at it's best.

WELL, DUH.

Saw this link on MSN today, and was waiting for some pearls of wisdom. Nope, or at least nothing I didn't know already. They could've made it a much less verbose article, but just writing, "Don't be an asshole."

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

I should know better by now, you'd think. Any time I go to Jack In The Box and order an Ultimate Cheeseburger, I become instantly sleepy. It's been about an hour since lunch, and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Why, oh Why, must you be so good, Ultimate Cheeseburger? Why does the sound of my arteries clogging sound so appetizing to me at times?

Bring on the work, bring on the Indigestion.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. . .ONCE AGAIN, MONDAY MISSION TIME!

1. Do you get sick very often? What illness do you find that you've had most frequently?

Eh, I don't get sick very often, except for the occasional sinus problem. (Ahh, cigarettes!) However, when I do get sick, I get horribly sick. I guess I don't like to do things half-assed, huh?

2. I know a man who flat out refuses to go to the Doctor's office. You'd need an ambulance to get him near a hospital. Not me, I'd rather go as soon as I feel sick so I can get better. Do you mind going to see the Doctor when you get sick? Do you know anyone who just refuses to go to a Doctor when they get ill? Any idea why they are like that?

I don't mind, but my doctor's pretty laid back, he usually just calls in a prescription.

3. How about visiting the Dentist? Do you go get a check-up every 6 months? Or do you dread going?

One thing that takes me forever to do regularly, is go to the dentist. It's like pulling teeth to get me there every six months (heh heh, bad joke, I know). I don't know why I'm so horrified. Although I was pretty lackidasical when I was smaller about my teeth, I think I take pretty good care of 'em now.

4. I've heard about a diet pill called "Thermolift" that allegedly gives you quite an energy rush (oh boy mentioning this will surelybring us all a ton of Google hits won't it?). Although I've thought about getting some of these pill for the times I need a boost, I'm probably not going to take the plunge. Have you ever taken any diet pills, energy pills or energy drinks? How did they make you feel? Do you still take them? How come?

Took Metabolife for a little while. They didn't really have an effect on me, but I had weird dreams when I slept. I don't take them often anymore, basically cause I'm a cheapskate. But they did make me snack less at night, and gave me more energy. But of course, when you're taking enough caffeine to keep a narcoleptic awake, that does tend to happen.

5. Have you heard about "Gastric Bypass" surgery that many celebrities are doing to lose weight? (The process reduces the size of your stomach to facilitate weight loss) What are your thoughts on this procedure? Would you ever consider it? How would you feel if a relative were to decide to undergo the procedure?

On one hand, I think it's a drastic step. However, if you're large enough to qualify for the surgery, you probably can't relearn correct eating habits (portion control, balanced meals, etc.) on your own. I don't think I would ever consider it; hopefully, I'll never get so out of control that I'll need it. I think I'd be more wary about it if a family member went through it though. Of course, like most things, your feelings change as the theoretical becomes a real-life issue.

6. What do you think the opposite sex needs to experience to fully understand what it is like to be your gender?

Although I won't get into the semantics of sex (physical anatomy) vs. gender (societal roles, expectations, etc.) , I think that there's no real way to "fully understand" how a person of the opposite sex and/or gender goes through. I think that we all can come close to fully sympathizing or empathizing, but I don't think that any one person can "fully understand" what it like to be another person, regardless of gender.

7. And to lighten things up a bit before we go...What's the most worthless gadget, infomercial item or "looked like a bargain" item you have ever purchased or owned?

Heh heh. I once bought a Total Tiger. As it gathers dust under my bed, I would like to say that it did seem to work my abs and arms. I would probably do it more often, if I didn't feel so stupid doing it. To use this machine, it looks like you're humping the floor.

BONUS: Why can't every day be like Christmas?

Because it would take too much planning to make everyday "festive;" because children everywhere would never get any sleep waiting for Santa Claus every night; and because, frankly, how would anyone work? Christmas is a federal holiday, ya know? :)

LMFAO!!!

Things to notice in the morning. . . if you're reading a book review, pay attention to the subheadings of the article, before you nearly spit out your Dr. Pepper on the poor, unassuming accountant across the desk from you.

I JUST COULDN'T RESIST


What Office Space character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Although I'm surprised. . . I figured I'd be Samir.

OK, SO IT'S NOT ANGRY "WHITE BOY" MUSIC. . .

. . .but this is still funny. Ok, enough random linkage for now. Time for a nap.

BAM!

Heh heh. . .anything that makes fun of this schmuck is funny in my book.

REALLY, WAS THERE ANY SURPRISE?


Which female sex symbol are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Jen, I've found yet another site for us to waste our time on. . . .

Thanks to Todd for the inadvertant link. I don't think I'm the Count's OCD problem, but you are definitely Bert and Ernie's little secret. Silly queer.
:) Ya knows I loves ya Todd.

BTW, does anyone else find it as funny as I do that Mike referred to me recently as 36 Hour Layover? I laughed out loud when I saw that.

HIGHLIGHT OF MY MORNING . . .

Had to hear presentations before we took our final in my class today. This woman was talking about sexual harrassment training in the army, and said this statement: "We had problems with the special services sometimes. You know, there's lots of women on the front line, even if not in the fighting sense. There's always a little bit of flirting and tappin going on." Giggle.

AND THE RAMBLINGS CONTINUE. . .

Reading a comment from Jared about my recent post, and it reminded me of quite possibly the dumbest thing anyone has told me concerning the topic.

I was told once that I'm bisexual because "I can pass as straight." For one, that has nothing to do with it, and any person, gay, straight, or otherwise should realize that. Secondly. . . it's something like that. I can "pass as straight" becuase of my personality, not my sexuality. And besides, what woman would want to date a nelly fag? Gender roles, once again, rear their ugly head.

BTW, before I get someone riled up like poor Matt did, I have nothing against nelly fags, I think they're fun, entertaining, and the right match for someone, just not for me, and I don't think that I act as one.

Ok, well I was sent home from work early, so I think it's time to indulge in a bit of a nap.

HOW GREAT IS THIS?

As someone who would live at the Tivoli, just to make sure I caught all the movies I wanted to see, I think this is a great idea. Also, check out this week's Ask The Pilot. One of my favorite columns to read, although no Q&A this week makes me a bit sad.

LIKE I DON'T PLAY WITH IT ENOUGH. . .

How cool is this? Although, if I do say so myself, that's like adding jet fuel to an already raging fire of passion! *ahem* (Please keep all flaming comments to yourself, please)

Thanks to Jen for the link. That's my girl, always looking out for me. ;)


**If you can give a positive reference to my skills, feel free to post in the comments box. If not, then it was probably something you did wrong. :)

EXACTLY.

This article sums up a lot of the frustrations I've been feeling for the past few years. Last year, I went through a horribly deep depression, that I doubt many of my friends know about. I was depressed because I assumed that "coming out" would clear up all the questions I'd been feeling. The floodgates opened, and I figured I'd be swimming in a relationship that felt "right," or at least would have more options for that. Granted, when the floodgates opened, I had a lot more opportunity, but still not what I wanted. I was never secure in myself with women, and the bisexual label made me even more insecure around them. As I've likened it many times to my close friends, I've felt that I have a UV tattoo that reads "I like dick, too" under black lights.

And after a period of romping, I also felt insecure around men, too. Many guys I'd talked to at SMS, as well as some here, still subscribe to the "bi now, gay later" theory. I'd hear things like, "Well, how many women have you been with, vs. men?" As if that matters! Bisexuality is not about evening a score. "Hrmm. . .well, I've slept with x men, so I need to make sure I sleep with x women to make sure I'm bisexual." Bah! That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard.

I'm bisexual not because I'm greedy, or confused, or any other reason that people have given me. I'm bisexual becuase I enjoy the physical and emotional differences that men and women can offer. When I'm with a man, there are things that I miss about women, and vice versa. But I'm also happy that I'm in that moment. It's not a sense of regret, as in "it's really nice that you're here, but I wish you had a vagina." But more of a sense of "I'm glad I'm here with you, right now, because you're you." I dunno. Pardon my rambling.

When I'm in "relationship" mode, I weed out the ones that don't fit, and focus on the ones that do. It doesn't matter if it's a man or woman. Right now, I'm in "man" mode. i've never had a relationship with a man, and I'd like to experience that. If there was a woman that came along the way, it might sway my decision, depending on if I was single or not.

Anyway, this was a special report from the "Freudian Blog Hour." We not return you to your regular blogging programming, already in progress.

HURRAH!

Things are definitely looking up, according to my horoscope for the month. Oddly, this past week has followed suit pretty well, and I didn't even know it.

WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. . .

To give you a better idea of what happened this week: I met this guy Doug. Went over there on Tuesday. Although it was completely innocent, just to watch a movie (and despite my recent movie watching experiences, it was meant to be completely innocent). Anyway, long story short, we spent two days together, and I felt like a God after I left.

The experience kind of scared me. The time I spent with him was a very symbiotic time. He's an Aquarius, and we make a pretty good match. By the end of day two, we were finishing each other's sentences, and predicting each other's thoughts. He's intelligent, attractive, and we're very compatible and in sync in other areas as well. I thought he may have like me a little too much, but I chalked it up to the fact that we had spent nearly 48 hours straight together.

Had a two hour conversation with Doug last night, and he's going through some personal things, which I will not delve into here, and asked for my advice. He values my opinion, despite the little time we've spent together, and I was happy to oblige. (Of course.) As I was helping him, the discussion of "us" came up. Right now, we both realize that we like each other, and there's potential for more, but we're taking it relatively slow. He just got out of a relationship, and I'm still exploring a few other possibilities (it's not who you think, dear readers), so we'll just hang out with each other when we can, and see where it goes.

But the experience helped us both. We both realized that we don't have to settle for less than what we want. Neither of us have to settle for someone who doesn't appreciate us, and it was just nice to feel wanted, desired.

So you may be hearing more about a certain 6'1 redheaded 25 year old in future postings. Just wanted to give you a heads up.

OK, SO I THOUGHT I POSTED ABOUT THIS, BUT DIDN'T. . .

An explanation about the craziness from Monday: unfortunately, this is still a vague explanation, but basically, I had to have a "talk" with a friend about a possible change in our relationship. Things are cool now that there's been some open communication, but I took a few days to gather, refocus, and what not. BTW, for those ladies and gents who are curious, I'm still single, just a bit dehydrated. Consider this the end of the minor trip to drama-queeniness. Laid-back Jay has returned! Hurrah!

DEAR READERS, I APOLOGIZE FOR MY ABSENCE. . .

But it's nice to know that I've been missed. I've spent the past few days just fuckin' around *giggle*, and have been away from computer, and my blog, which I have missed dearly. I also realize how much of a dork I am in the fact that despite all the fun I've been having the past few days, I had about a million things to say in this here blog. Inevitably, all my pearls of wisdom are gone. But I'm back, and betta than eva!

AND THIS IS WHY I'M GOING TO SCHOOL. . .

. . . so I can be a fully educated Retail Zombie. Thanks to Mike for the link.

CRISIS AVERTED. . .

My diary wasn't read by who I thought it was, so everythings okay. And luckily, it opened up some communication. Hurrah! On top of everything else, I'm becoming mysterious. Who knew?

MONDAY MISSION!

PromoGuy's Monday Mission 2.48

1. Suppose God (or your deity of choice) grants you one miracle. Consider the world in which we live. Consider your life and family. What would you request for this miracle? Are you sure that is the best way to use it? You only get one.

I think I would get rid of all weapons, so that we can learn to fight with our bare hands, rocks, and sticks, just like the cavemen intended.

2. I believe that prayers do get answered, but I realize not everyone agrees. Have you ever had an experience where you truly believe your prayer was answered? If you don't believe in such things, how come? What is your philosophy on prayer?

I don't know; I really don't recall praying as a child, except for stupid things, like an "A" on a test or crap like that. I can see how prayers are answered, just not necessarily in the way we'd like. I think prayer is one of those things that is probably more just like our concience. . . .inner thoughts and ideas that will play out dependant on our actions.

3. Have you ever lost a pet? That is, have you ever had a pet get loose, run away or be stolen? Did you get it back? How did the loss impact your life?

Let's see. . .I've had like four or five cats die, a dog that my parents put to sleep, and didn't tell me till I came home, and Freckles wasn't there. I've never had any run away from me though. We thought we lost Doofus for a while, but he was just on a bender for pussy.

4. Getting together with family at the holidays is great, I just love it. Most of all I love the food. What is your favorite holiday food?

Hands down. . . Celery with that fun pineapple cream cheese stuff in the lil' glass jar. I could eat that for days upon end.

5. One thing I've noticed about the holidays is that no one makes Pumpkin Pie like my Grandmother. She has totally spoiled me on her recipe, I just don't like the taste of anyone else's Pumpkin Pie. Are there are dishes or desserts that someone in your family fixes better than anyone else?

Mama makes a bitchin Turtle Cheesecake, and collectively as a family, Ma, Pa, and I make Hot Wings like no one's business.


6. Since I have no brothers or sisters, I am always wondering what it would have been like. Now that I am older, it kinda stinks that I will never be an Uncle. Do you have any siblings with children? How does it make you feel to be an Aunt or an Uncle? If not, would you like to be have nieces and nephews? Would you make a good relative to them?

Jeff's got three: Nikki, Danny and Kevin. I felt great about it when I was 12 or so, but now I'm just sad that I never have the time to see 'em. That and that I held a grudge against Jeff for years, and it wasn't fair to the kids. We've kind of settled things since Dad's bypass surgery a few weeks ago.

7. I am putting together a CD of great holiday music. Do you have any suggestions of what songs (title/artist) I should include?

Hrm. Some Harry Connick, Jr. or Frank Sinatra. Maybe some Barry White? And how bout Guns' N' Roses? Did they have a christmas album?
BONUS: How would you feel knowin' prejudice was obsolete and all mankind danced to the same beat?

Ahh, Heavy D. . .a musical Genius. I miss In Living Color. Those Damned Wayans haven't done anything good since.

OKAY, IT'S NOT THAT BAD. . .

On second reflection, what I wrote wasn't that bad, just a little drama queenish. I don't even know if it was read, as I changed the password again. So if you didn't get a chance to read it, you must wait until I append into a second draft. Then, maybe. Of course, I realize that most of you don't know what I'm talking about in these past few posts. Ehh, it's my blog, I'll be vague if I wanna.
Hey Dallas, do you agree with this astrological link? Just curious. More to ponder, and what not.

APPARENTLY, LAST NIGHT I WENT ABSOLUTELY MAD. . .

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the saga is over. I went insane last night, to say the least. Fueled by a fit of rage, compounded by a few beers, I forced the issue. Very un-Ruleslike of me, to say the least. It was if I said, "Clingy? I'll show you clingy!" Totally cut off my face to spite my nose. Now, whatever fleeting chances I had, are surely gone, and I've probably lost a very good friend in the process, as "the awkward" will surely take over. I'm being measured for my Robe as we speak. At the very least, this is going to make my "go out less" wishes much easier to follow. Yeesh.

Why, oh why, must I be so impulsive, so quick to fire off my anger? Oh, that's right. I'm 22, and a Gemini. There is absolutely no hope for me, whatsoever.

LAZINESS ABOUNDS. . ..

I don't feel like updating about this weekend yet, I'm not sure what I want to write. So I'll probably update later today or tonight, after I watch the True Hollywood Story of Saved By The Bell. Whoo hoo!

REALLY, IS THIS SURPRISING AT ALL?

Practices like this shouldn't really be a shock, for a company founded and headquartered in Bentonville, AR, which I'm sure is a town of "good ol' boys" mentality. (yes, I'm aware that's a horribly stereotypical way to be, but at least I'm aware.)

SO THIS IS ALL IT TAKES?

No wonder I haven't gotten laid in a while. I'm sure Jaimee's shitting a brick for even suggesting such craptastic Italian food. But she knows I'm kidding. G-Sig love in da house, baby. Who's family rules, oh yeah, that's right, mine does.

JESUS KIDS, DON'T GET YOUR MANTIES IN A BUNCH. .. .

Okay, I's got a lot to say tonight, so deal with my ramblings.

Apparently Matt sho did get him in a heap of trouble. Scroll down to the post from Saturday to see what I'm talking about.

My original thoughts when I read that post. Absolutely fucking hilarious. After reading the comments from the past few days, I still think it's fucking hilarious. Here's the deal: I understand why people were offended. I'd be offended too, if it were not a post in jest. But I think I would've probably felt the same way. Ideally, I think it's great that those boys in question "had the courage" to dress and act the way they did. However, I don't necessarily like the idea of such outward "gayness." I'm sure part of it had to do in the fact that they were young. But I don't think being gay should be so exterior. It's like when I went to MBLGTACC in Michigan this year. There were so many people that might as well introduced themselves at "Hi, I'm gay, and my name just happens to be John."

That whole idea of what it means to "be gay" just turns me off. As someone who identifies as bisexual, it is not all encompassing in my life. It's a part of my life, but not my whole life or identity. No more than my heterosexual friends feel that being straight is what completes their identity.

That being said, I don't discount opinions like these. Those are opinions that I hold dear, that no one should be discriminated against, that hate crimes shouldn't exist, that everyone should be able to be whoever they want to be. But holding those ideals vs. living in the real world and interacting with people can sometimes conflict. It's what makes real life what it is. Matt was just expressing a thought that went through his head, but obviously not one that he would actually follow through on. It's the same way that I feel sometimes. Sometimes, I'd just like to run rampant in the streets and run over people who piss me off. Sometimes, I'd like to be invisible. Sometimes, I wish I was insanely rich. But that's what fantasies and thoughts are about. To do and be things that we couldn't possibly be in the real world.

Ehh, I have nothing left to say at the moment. I don't think my thoughts are becoming very clear in this post. But I'll update it later, if the mood strikes me. I'll let you know.

THE MONDAY MISSION!

That's right, ladies and gents, it's has arrived.

1. Have you ever made a wish that came true?

Not that I recall. I don't remember really wishing when I was younger. Therefore, no wishes, no wishes coming true.

2. How about any wishes that you are happy never came true?

See above.

3. Do you like who you are? Are you the person you hoped you would become?

Surprisingly, despite my forays into self-pity and occasional madness, yes, I do like myself. Although there are a few things about me that even surprise me.

4. I recently found some job applications that I never turned in. Back in 1986 I intended to apply at "County Seat" and "Chess King" but got an offer from Penny's (where I worked all through college). It was a good thing, since only one of the three is still around. Have you ever applied for positions, or had any interviews, where you later are glad you never got the job?

Heh heh. The only one that comes to mind, is when I ran for President of the fraternity. So, soo glad I don't have to deal with those headaches. And when I applied at Andy's Frozen Custard. I'd probably either weigh 300 lbs, or hate custard with the white-hot intensity of 1000 suns.

5. While on the topic of career opportunities, what was your very first "real" job? What job was the most embarrassing?

First "real job?" Working at the bank. Most embarrassing job? Working at the Avalon Cinema. Yep, most definitely.

6. Speaking of news, have you had your 15 minutes of fame yet? Such as being in the newspaper, on television, linked on a high-profile site or otherwise caught in the spotlight of the media?

Hrm. I've done a few 30 second spots for odd events on TV: I was in "Show Me St. Louis" for "Mame", on KY3 news when I was in St. Louis to see the Pope, and was featured in the Post-Dispatch when I was a sophomore in High School.

7. In the USA, many of us will celebrate Thanksgiving this week. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving (or something like it)? Do you enjoy getting together will your extended family for these types of celebrations?

Yes, and no. The family gets boring after they ask the prerequisite questions: "How's work/school? What, no girlfriend yet?" Bah!

Off to lunch, kiddies!

EVEN WITH NO SOUND, IT'S STILL FUNNY

Things for you to do today, dear readers:

1) Ignore my pathetic pleas for validation last night. I'm better now that I've had sleep.

2) Check out this week's Strong Bad Email. I find this funny, and ironic, because Mike, Dallas, Brandon and I were having a horribly in-depth conversation about cartoons last night at dinner. (Yes, it was in-depth. Just go with it, ok?) This one reminds me of a certain Looney Tunes cartoon. You know which one I'm talking about, don't you?

WARNING. . . MELANCHOLY MOOD XING. . . PROCEED WITH CAUTION

So tonight, on the way home from watching Sugar and Spice, which surprisingly, was a movie that actually made me laugh aloud, multiple times. Although in the words of Scott, it was still definitely "Palace worthy."

Anyway, I'm aware that's wasn't a complete sentence, but whatever. Tangents aside, on the way home tonight, I was listening to John Mayer. Usually, I'm in a happy mood when I'm listening to it, but tonight it brought me down. Specifically, two songs: St. Patrick's Day, and Love Song for No One. It just got me thinking.

First, I was listening to Love Song, and I was really listening to the lyrics. Obviously, I pick up on song lyrics pretty well, as I tend to sing along in the car all the damned time. But I digress. The first few verses really caught my attention, because I feel like I live through that feeling everyday. I don't know what I want, and I feel very jaded about relationships, more lately then I have in quite a while.

And then, later, I heard St. Pat's Day, which reminded me that the holidays are coming up. Yet another holiday season alone. In my short 22 years, I've never been dating anyone while the holidays have happened. Something always happens between Thanksgiving and Christmas that I end up alone under the mistletoe, and kissing my grandma on the cheek at New Years. (Figuratively, of course.) *sigh*

My mind started wandering. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I should be dating someone like Patrick or Chris, who are obviously enamored of me. Or even some of the women in my past who were very much in love with me (even if it were just for the time we were together). Maybe I'm ruling out the obvious options because not every single point on my checklist is matched. But am I shallow to settle for less than what I want, just so I can kiss someone at New Year's?

Grr. . . I hate being me, and I'm sure that by now, dear readers, you're hating reading this. Overemotional half-fag bloggers are never fun to hang around with. I tend to point and laugh at them, so why shouldn't you? :)

Again, *sigh.* Thanks for listening to me vent. Empty words of encouragement, about how great I am, and how any man or woman would be lucky to have me are always appreciated. In a few short hours, the fun and frivolity returns, as the Monday Mission is posted for this week.

HI MY NAME'S JAY, AND I'M INADVERTENTLY A TOTAL SHITHEAD

Went out last night, but it didn't go as planned.

Original plan: Meet Dallas and Mike for drinks at Freddie's then head downtown to meet Stephanie and Tina.

What actually transpired: I drank a few beers before going out, talking to Matt; I went to Freddie's and drank more, I was reacquainted with my friend from freshman year, Timmie Kloeppel, and was too drunk to drive anywhere else at 11, the appointed time. So I hung out with Timmie some more, planning on eventually getting downtown. However, by the time I sobered up to drive home, I wanted to go directly home, not passing Go or collecting $200. I can't wait to explain that one to the girls today. There's going to be hell to pay, I'm sure.

WISH I'D THOUGHT OF IT FIRST. . .

Mike needs to be famous... and fast.

Shameless self promotion is a great thing, mike.

OBVIOUSLY, THIS TEST IS FAULTY

I believed it when Jen took this, but obviously it's flawed. I know I'm a horrible driver.




Which Kind of Driver Are You?
by Don's Windshield Replacement

AND I ASSUMED IT WAS JUST ANOTHER CASE OF PORN AT WORK GONE WRONG:

Hee Hee Hee.

BORED, AND NOT A DAMNED THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. . .

Here I am, trying to be productive at work, and can work on this project that Roger gave me to do, cause I can't find the correct menu to get things done! grr. . . And I should stay till 4:30, but if I'm doing this for the next hour, I think I might give up, and go home at 4. ehh, we'll see. But of course, the longer it takes him to get back, the later I could possibly stay, since I will have things to keep me busy for that extra half hour or so. Hrrm...

NO FRIDAY FIVE THIS WEEK. . .

I was going to get a head start; I'm trying to start a habit of the Monday Mission and Friday Five, but apparently, there's no Friday Five for the next few weeks. Holiday and all. So, go here, and comment on the best set of burning questions you'd like to know about me. Or better yet, drop me a line, and suggest some questions of your own. I'm an open book people! Use and abuse my while you can!

WHAT WOULD JESUS DRIVE?

Hello, don't these people read the Bible? Jesus rode on donkeys. I'm assuming that the equivalent today would be a Mustang, or maybe a Pinto? Heh heh. Yep, I'm goin to hell.

HEH HEH, DOES THIS SURPRISE ANYONE, REALLY?

You Are Furry Cuffs!

In the bedroom

You like to play cop

So keep fucking hard

Even when begged to stop!



What Sex Toy Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

I'm totally a control freak in the bedroom, but those might be nice to try on me sometime. Any takers?

HURRAH!

Sometimes, it's just the easy way to do things that works. I've republished all my pages, so the template matches for all. I figured it out while I was trying to help Jen fix her archive page.

TIPS FOR A BETTER LIFE:

Ok, I'm so happy that Ed hasn't been cancelled yet. It's such a great show, and the writing is very funny. One of my favorite lines from tonight's episode: "You were a rabid badger of insanity."

Things to read today:
This week's Surburban Fringe. (It's not a good as the archives, but it's still pretty funny.)

This week's Savage Love. Admit your saddest holiday sex story, and you might win some money for sex toys! Vibrators make great stocking stuffers, doncha know?

OKAY, TWO DAYS LATE, AND ABOUT $100 SHORT

I'm finally finishing up The Monday Mission. So here goes:

2) If you could go to lunch with someone famous, anyone living or dead, who would you choose? What questions would you ask them?

Ok, I like Jen's answer of Jesus, but I think I'm going a different route. I'm gonna cheat, cause I've got two: 1) St. Peter, so I could convince him to make initial changes in the Catholic Church, early on, that would still be followed today; and 2) Adolf Hitler. Anyone with enough intelligence and charisma to try to take over Europe surely could have been used for good.

3. On that same thought, there are probably several Bloggers you enjoy reading but have never met in real life. Which one Blogger would you most like to meet for dinner? Why did you pick that person? What would you talk about? What do you have in common? What would you do after dinner?


Hrm. I've got so many. One: I liked her before, but after the debate going on in my Comments Pages, definitely Jared Greer. We're both funny and cute, we'd have some Guiness, and then watch a Clockwork Orange, and play my favorite drinking game, Three Man.

Another one, Shel from bobupndown.com. Again, we're both funny, and we're both cute. We eat, drink, be merry. Then we'd watch one of the many movies from his wish list, and play my favorite drinking game, Three Man.

Of course, both of those scenarios could include, but not limited to, after dinner sex. A guy can wish, can't he?

4. Money (or the lack thereof) is the number one cause of arguments amongst couples. Do you find this to be true? If there really was a "Money Tree" you could go an pick, would this really solve a couple's problems?

As Robert's Rules dictates, I'm defering to Jennifer on this one. She totally pinpointed what I was thinking.

5. Speaking of arguments, have you ever been drawn into any nasty, hateful arguments? The kind where hurtful things were said that had nothing to do with the fight at hand? What was that all about? How did it turn out?

Oh yeah, many, many times. I've got a sharp tongue when I'm pissed off. Most of the time, it ends with the other person crying. I tend to go for the jugular when I'm in a battle of wits, and most people are unarmed.

6. When was the last time you had to admit you were wrong about something? How did that go?

Wrong? Me? Apparently, you haven't been reading my blog.

7. Now for a slight change of theme....what song should never have been written?

Hands down: "Oops, I Did It Again"; and any song by Celine Dion.

IS THIS WHY I HAVEN'T FULLY FORMED AN OPINION ON INVASION ON IRAQ?

Maybe. Or maybe that I'm just too lazy to research it, and come to a conclusion. Both are big possibilites. The confusion makes me want to learn even less, sometimes.

WHILE I'VE GOT A FEW MINUTES. .

As I wait for my boss to return from lunch, to give me a new project, or more instruction on my current one, I shall do the Monday Mission.



1. When I was a teenager, I used to ride all the "spin-y" rides at the fair and fun parks. I'd never get dizzy or sick, and I could ride them all day. My favorite was the Tilt-A-Whirl. Now I should call it the "Tilt-A-Hurl" because it seems I can't even get on a Merry-Go-Round without feeling queasy. Is there anything you used to be able to do physically that you no longer can? What changed?


Ok, this is hard to explain but bear with me: I used to be able to clasp my hands behind my back, one over and behind my shoulder in a fist, and place the fist on top of my shoulder. I could also bend my fingers backwards, and touch the top of my arm. I can't, because I'm less flexible, I guess? (Granted, I'm still very flexible, but there aren't any yoga exercises to stretch those parts of my body out, or none that I've tried).



2.) If you could go to lunch with someone famous, anyone living or dead, who would you choose? What questions would you ask them? Hrm. I'll get back to you on that one.


I'll finish more later. . . I want to think about that one before continuing.

WHY AM I ALWAYS LATE TO THE PARTY?

I shall lament for a brief moment. Anytime I find a humorous cartoon, with adult, sarcastic humor, it's cancelled quickly after I make the discovery.

First, Freakazoid! and now, Mission Hill. Granted, it was cancelled originally long before I caught it in syndication on the Cartoon Network, but the short lived run is over.

Good news! Office Space is on Comedy Central tommorrow night, at 7 pm central time. Check it out, if you haven't seen this most excellent movie.

PICTURES FROM LAST NIGHT:

Good times at Big Pink Brain. Before there's confusion about the costumes, the theme was Kittens, Bunnies, and Puppies. Enjoy!

Todd gets money. Notice the product placement.

Todd gives a come hither stare at the Motorcycle Show. BTW, I declined to go, but should have, it looked like fun!

Mike rides a crotch rocket. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the straightest moment in Mike's life, caught on celluloid.

Ladies, I'm taking applications. If you need references, I've got a few.

Easter's coming a bit early this year.

C'mon, you know you want to touch it.

I come in peace.

I didn't inhale.

The ultimate vegetarian.

Bad doggy! Bad Doggy!

Nap time for Mikey boy.

The evening ended around 1 am for us, which was fine, because all three of us retired shortly after returning home. Thanks to Mike for the pics.

WHAT A GREAT EVENING!

Ok, so last night, Mike and I went to Washington University to drink some free beer and get some free eats at the Friday Happy Hour hosted by OUTLAW, the GLBT group of the Law School. I met a few nice people there, but I felt out of place. We left, and went to watch Amelie at his house, with Dallas. Unfortunately, the smoking and the free beer made me sleepy. I watched about an hour of it, then snoozed. Which made me sad, because that's such a great movie. From what I saw of it, I highly recommend it. Then we started watching some Anime movie, Akira, which I remember vaguely, but once again, I snoozed. A highly uneventful night, but it was fun.

Tonight, on the other hand, was AMAZING. For two reasons:

1) Our fucking Chapter won one of the top ten chapter awards at National Convention for Phi Sigma Pi. Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I was screaming into the phone, and nearly in tears when Becca told me the good news. And of course, my friends just looked at me as if I were crazy. It's a cliche, but you'll never know the joy that PSP can give you unless you experience it.

Despite all the recent turmoil, I feel as if I actually did make a difference in the fraternity while I was there. The period chosen was when I was as Initiate Advisor that last semester, and my first semester as Parliamentarian. Although I know that it has nothing to do with me, and more to do with how strong our chapter was/is, I still feel like "the best anything ever" right now. If we never win another award, I can say, in foolishness of course, that it was because of me. I left, and the chapter didn't win anymore awards. LOL

I'm just jealous because I wasn't there to see our victory.

Also, Mike, Todd, and I went to a fun pseudorave in downtown St. Louis tonight. I had a good time, but after a few hours, I was ready to go. Hence the reason I'm home at 1 am. I was just too tired to shake my groove thang too much, although I did shake it a little, and a good time was had by all. Check out Mike's weblog later for pictures, I'm sure. I genuinely enjoy hanging out with those two. They're always a good time.

And now, with a few beers in my system, and too many cigarettes that I didn't smoke (because I've quit of course), I'm off to bed.

JUST TOOLIN ROUND THE NET TODAY . . .

Ok, a few quickies:

Alton Brown is a God. Learn it, live it, love it. Then catch Good Eats on Food Network.
(BTW, Tyler Florence and Kevin Brauch (of The Thirsty Traveler) are also gods, but in a much more carnal way.

THE FRIDAY FIVE WITH THE BAD WORDS IN IT

The Motherfucking Friday Five

1. Fuckin A, it's Friday finally. Whatcha drinkin, cause we all know you are a slobbering lush.

Right now, it's a liter o' Dr. Pepper, but after work, I'm off to a social gathering with OUTLAW, the GLBT group at Wash U Law School. Whoohoo! Law, queers, and beer! If we had some steers, we'd be in Texas!

2. Are ya gettin any this weekend? Who's the lucky bastard?

Well, it's always a possibility, but I've been trying to keep my libido in check after the past few weeks. We'll see. You know the update will be here if I do.

3. Tell Heather you fucking love her in a creative way. Watch your tongue and be nice, or I will hunt you down and cut it out of your filthy mouth.

I would like to slam Heather like a screen door in a hurricane.

4. Think these questions are fluff? Go fuck yourself. For the rest of you, what's the best fucking movie you've ever seen? [I mean, the best movie, not the best movie with fucking in it, unless you wanna share that too.]

Hrm. There are so many to choose from: A Clockwork Orange (which BTW, the hyperspeed sex scene to Beethoven is a riot), Run Lola Run, or The Rocky Horror Picture Show are a few that come to mind.

5. So what the fuck are you doing this weekend?

I dunno. Class on Saturday morning, a little cleaning and car maintenance, and that's all I've got scheduled at the moment. I might be going to a quasi-rave on Saturday, and I think Mike and I are going to see Lords of Acid on Sunday at Mississippi Nights. I guess for a pretty boring weekend, I've actually got a lot to do. Go Figure.

PROS AND CONS OF THE NEW JOB:

Pro: Internet, so I can blog or read blogs when I'm bored
Pro/Con: Not much to do right now. For the Pro, see above.

Con: I-70 -- Hands down, the worst highway I've ever encountered. I would rather spend an hour behind a tractor on a one lane road on Highway 13 than the 20-30 minutes it takes me to get to work. Tonight, it was raining when I got off, so I spent 20 minutes going less than 20 miles per hour. Bah! However, do you see any other job offers pouring in? I didn't think so, either.

In other news, Win 98 is going great, although I can't get my webcam to work, and it's pissing me off something fierce. I wanted to be able to post pretty pictures of me for all of you to see! All well, I'm still working on it.

BUSY, ALTHOUGH LATE-STARTING, DAY

It's 3, and I'm finishing posting the batches I've spent all day downloading, as well as the A/R batches I've reconciled and finished today. However, I went to bed less than 12 hours ago, and I's tired. Yep, I couldn't sleep for anything last night, so I came to work an hour late in favor of driving and working on three hours sleep (although I doubt that four hours is much better, but I digress). I've finished the Suburban Fringe Archive, and I jumped to conclusions, me thinks. Although it was a fun thought for a short while. Also caught up on the "Ask the Pilot" articles I've missed in Salon.com. Good times, good times.

Oh yeah, and an update, my computer is making it toward the end of the last millennium. I installed Win 98 on my computer last night. Of course, I had to reformat my hard drive to do it, but it's no bother. I've got DSL, and can download all the MP3s and porn I had before while I sleep tonight. Huzzah!

I RETRACT THAT PRIOR STATEMENT. . .

I've found the Suburban Fringe Archive, and I've decide that Bob must be a soccer mom. In fact, he might be homosexual. After reading The (bedtime) routine exam, it's nearly clinched it for me. His wife went to an Indigo Girls concert for "a whole bunch of girlie fun," and he used a male pseudonym for his (who I'm sure is an adorable) daughter. Plus, his picture's not too bad, either. Of course, I'm kidding. If Bob or his lawyers or reading, I was joking. No libel suits for me, please.

A SIGN THAT THERE ARE FUNNY SOCCER MOMS IN ST LOUIS

Ok, this is a dad, and his kids my not necessarily play soccer, but it's funny all the same.

TODAY HAS BEEN A HUMOROUS DAY

First of all, I woke up a little later than I expected to. I change my alarm to 6 am, yet forgot to turn it on. Dad came down round 6:30 or so, and asked, "What time do you have to be up today?" My groggy reply was, "Wha? . . .. What day is it?" As if it mattered. The only day I'll get to sleep in for a while is on Sundays, with work and school both demanding my appearance by 8 am the other 6 days of the week.

So since I was running a little late (I still got to work on time, no big whoop), Dad made my lunch for me. Added some mints and candy corn: A nice June Cleaver touch, doncha think? I'll have to see about getting him an apron and a good chocolate chip cookie recipe.

WHILE THE BOSS IS AWAY THE TEMP WILL PLAY. . .

Ok, it's not really that bad. But I've got some time to kill, since I've got to re-import all the files I did yesterday, to try to correct some posting errors. (They weren't my fault)

So I'm bloggin, and writing my letter of appeal to the Registrar. Grrr. . .

MR. BLUE, HOW I'VE MISSED YOU. . .

Garrison Keillor is a God in his own right. Nuff said.

BUT WOULD OUR COPS SHOOT UNARMED HATIANS?

Yeah. Probably.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO BE QUIET. . .

It's very frustrating for me. I'm listening to CDs at work, and am horribly tempted to sing along. I've been biting my tongue for the past hour. Read an interesting article in The Village Voice this morning. One point struck me as obviously true:

"However cold their feelings might run in private about Saddam Hussein, the Saudi royals have always opposed the current military campaign against him. Their main objection has been that the U.S. has no coherent plan to replace him, and so would only bring chaos to the region. And to the Saudis, the Americans are never less coherent than when they make the case for an Iraqi opposition."

Piss Poor Planning, people. . .

NOT ONLY AM I A JOKER POKER GENIUS. . .

But I'm also a HRM genius! Took my test last night, and I aced it, veritably. 40 Matching, 80 of 100 MC, and 42 Fill in the Blank. Luckily, we had 10 minutes after we completed "what we knew", and were able to skim through our book, and find what we needed. Oh yeah, I rock the casbah! I should not come to class more often, me thinks.

In other news, Webster's trying to make me take Accounting I & II over again. Nope. Not happening. I suffered through those classes at SMS, and I've worked in accounting for over four years. Even if they just accept one class, I'll be happy; I'll have 18 hours to complete, instead of 21.

I'm thinking about partioning my hard drive; it's only 4 GB, but it's a means to an end. Drop me a line if you've got any suggestions. Should I put all my programs on one partion, and all my MP3s, videos, etc. on the other? Any tips from my fans would be appreciated.

RAMBLINGS @ WORK:

While I'm waiting for my files to upload, I thought I'd take a moment to blog. Last night, Dallas and I went to the Hi Pointe right next to the Hi Pointe Theater in Clayton. Good times, good times. I had a few pints of Fat Tire, and trounced Dallas heartily in a few games of pool. (However, I taunted him the second game, and told him to catch up after a nice run of sinking nearly all my balls in. . . The bastard did, and we were down to a ball each, but I still won. Huzzah!) Got home, was in no mood to study, nor work on my Job documents for Human Resources this evening. So instead, I slept for a few hours, woke up around 4 am, and finished them then. I'm sure that move will kick my ass veritably this evening, when I'm lumbering through class and a midterm.

Anyway, this new assignment is going well. There's lots of downtime, while I wait for my A/P batches to download, so I can blog, study, or surf to my hearts content.

I'm in the process of rescheduling my interview with the brokerage for sometime next week, or hopefully, the following week, if possible. If not, this assignment will keep me busy until I find something else.

OK, NOW MY POST ABOUT THE REST OF THE WEEKEND. . .

A good weekend, for the most part. Friday night, Dallas, Mike, Brandon and I went to Dressel's Pub. It was near Balaban's, in my favorite not-strictly gay part of the Central West End. So while I'm sitting there with my fellow queers, there was this beautiful little blond who kept playing the eye-contact game with me from across the bar. I was flattered, she was definitely cute. I asked Dallas to be my wing-man, and check to see if she was checking me out, and he looked at me, dumbfounded. Apparently, he'd never heard of the phrase. Wnen the other two showed up, I asked them if they understood, and got the same blank look. I guess that phrase is only a straight world thing. Then Brandon was talking about his straight friends pick up line. I don't recall what it was, but I gave him one that Jill told me a while ago: "I'd like to slam her like a screen door in a hurricane." I think that's my personal favorite.

Anyway, I missed my window of opportunity, yet again. I was going to buy the cute girl and her okay looking friend a drink, start a conversation. . . but by the time I got the balls to do it, a huge group of their friends came in. The moment had passed. Plus, I felt odd trying to pick up a girl with a group of my not-straight friends. I can't win for losing sometimes.

Fun sidebar to the story: While we were there, I tried a few pints of this great beer: Double Dragon. No, I didn't feel Nintendo-tastic after I drank it, but it was pretty good all the same. It was dark, kind of sweet, and was good going down (not unlike myself).

(For my beer drinking women, Jaimee, Jen, and Jared: Run, don't walk, and try to find this beer in your respective cities)

Saturday was Trivia Night with Greg (we were in the middle of the rankings for most of the night), and then a short trip to the Complex. I saw old fling Patrick there. We were both surprised to see each other. I thought he was in Philly (moving there in nine months), and he thought I was in Springfield (I obviously didn't return there). We made small talk, I introduced him to some of my new gay friends, and found out that Todd and he knew each other. Apparently, he leaned over to Todd and asked, "So did you go home with him before, too?" A little embarrassed when I found out about that, but funny all the same. I left pretty early, as the bar was too crowded for my tastes. I can only take so many elbows in the back and anonymous ass grabbings before I bust a beer bottle over an unsuspecting queer.

And then there was Sunday, which has been described in my previous posts. Just an average weekend in the life of me, I guess.

SUE BAILEY, I TOTALLY AGREE. . .

Thanks to her for this online test, and I can't say it surprises me in the least.

Which Founding Father Are You?

It's like I was telling the guys last night: the first rule of the universe is, I am always right.

QUICK ENTRY. . .

Before I get back to the joyous wonders of cleaning our carpets, a quick update on the weekend, or at least last night: Lounged around all day, got my hair cut (I'm looking pretty spiffy now, if I do say so myself). Went out for Chinese buffet with Dallas, Mike, and Brandon, then retired to Mike's house to watch Airplane! and other joys of Comedy Central. Apparently, Jen's recent entry didn't deter me from the joys of gorging myself full of Chinese and Sushi like I thought it would.

NOTE: If you're ever in Mike's house, check out his senior pics. What a nerdo. ;) But at least he doesn't look like a used car salesman, like I do.

OK, SOME CRAZY LINKAGE THAT ALL MUST VISIT. . .

1) Download this video. Realize this is the exact reason why I'll never be a news anchor, despite my toothy grin, big hair, and excellent pretend radio voice.

2) Click here. Go to Toons, then Features, then . .. oh hell. . . Just click here. I strongly suggest: Techno, Guitar, and Theme Party. Click on some more after you recover from nearly pissing yourself from the humor. Repeat.

PROOF THAT IT'S NOT JUST A STEREOTYPE . . .

Thanks to Mike for the insight into inner sci-fi nerd.

LMFAO . . .

Oddly enough, I don't have this paranoid feeling around tall women. Maybe it's because everyone's taller than me, ehh, who knows. Once again, Tremble.com makes me giggle like a little school girl.

CRAZY NIGHT LAST NIGHT. . .

Went to a concert with Mike last night. It was a great time. The band was Mindless Self Indulgence, which I can only describe as The Bloodhound Gang on Crystal Meth. They were some crazy motherfuckers, but a good time was had by all. I met some really fun kids at Pop's, of all places. Mike was dressed up as a fairy, complete with wings and a fairy wand. However, when he threw them on stage, they were lost forever. Hopefully, they'll post some pictures of the lead singer with the wings on. It was funny. The lead singer yelled out as the audience clapped, "Oh yeah, that's it, suck my dick." And then he said "Oh yeah that's it, playwithmaballs, playwithmaballs", similar to Jaimee's "sucka the balls, sucka the balls." (Again, an inside joke, but Jaimee will enjoy it)

Saw quite a few queers who are regularly online, that was interesting. Met Todd and his boyfriend, Andrew, who helped me keep my sanity from those who I found boring.

This morning, I watched my taped episodes of "Ed" and "Good Eats" from last night. Both great episodes, I'm glad I had the foresight to tape them before I left.
On Ed, Carol's fiance is horribly jealous of Ed, her good friend and "I let him get away" guy, and asks her not to invite him the wedding. I surely hope that when my good friends, who are mostly women, get married, their fiances aren't jealous of me. Of course, I could really only see that happening with Jen and Jaimee. If that happens, those men are out on the street, I think. I would totally mud wrestle a future husband over my friends like Jen, Jaimee, Mooch, and Tina. (And technically, even Dallas and Mike)

Everyone knows my girls need my approval before they can date anyway. ;)

Also, checked my email this morning, and apparently, someone has joined my Diaryland notify list. I find that odd, considering I haven't really updated that sonofabitch since last semester. So I've written the random user, in hopes of finding out who he is. . .I'm always curious to see who my regular readers are.

SOMEWHERE A BIG DICK WITH A LITTLE MAN ATTACHED IS SMILING. . .

Of course, you don't know why this title is funny, but it's my blog, and I can have inside jokes if I want to. (smirk)
)

Anyway, I'm both happy and sad. The election is over.

Talent has won, by less than 30,000 votes. If the Green Party and Independent voters wouldn't have wasted they're votes, it'd be even more ridiculously close. (boo!) The cigarette tax didn't pass, and St. Louis now has home rule. (Yeah!)

Anyway, I'm off to harrass AOC about my pay from a few weeks ago, as well as my pay from Monday. Then I'm off to the STLPD to apply for a dispatcher job. Unemployment is fun! LOL

Happy Ramadan, Dallas.

GOD BLESS BADSAMARITAN.COM

He's getting all sorts of visitors to my blog. . . hats off to you.

OK, WE'RE TRYING THIS AGAIN. . .

My horoscope has given me a renewed sense of motivation, so as of 1 pm. I have (once again) finished my last cigarette. Wish me luck!

ONE MORE THING BEFORE I BEGIN LAUNDRY AND SCHOOLWORK . . .

The other day, Dallas was complaining, or at least noting, that I hadn't updated my blog in a while. Hence the frenzy of writing today. I'm reminded of the little emails that Jen and I used to send each other when we were both diaryland fans. We'd harrass each other when one of us was slacking (namely, me), while the other (Jen) would update frequently, leave me at a decided advantage on the comings-and-goings in her life. It's the number one rule: Don't bitch about my lack of updating, when your blog is decidedly lacking in posts. Heh heh, get to writing, boy!

MORE RANDOMNESS:

I realize that I'll probably have to turn in my 1/2 gay card for this one, but yes, I'm a subscriber to both Maxim and Playboy. Don't worry, I'm just like every other man in the world. I just read it for the articles. Okay, that's totally not true, the cover this month is totally hot in a Bettie Page kind of way; mental note ladies: corsets and garters drive me crazy.

Anyway, it's been a good month for Men's magazines. Maxim this month showed how to both build a stripper pole(!), and a bar(!). Playboy advisor showed me how to get rid of nasty razor burn (Use Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion Advanced Healing Formula, which contains vitamin E [for healing] and petroleum jelly [for a smoother "lather"]. Just a friendly grooming tip for my lovely readers. Good times, good times.

WEEKEND UPDATE, WITH NAKED JAY

Here's how the weekend went down: basically, lots of good food, good beer, and good making out. Grr.. . for someone who is looking for a relationship, I'm not acting the part very well. I guess I'll just have some fun, while I wait for the right guy or girl to pop into my life. No sense in being celibate!

Anyway, Friday was a movie with Dallas, Saturday was staying at home, pretending to be productive, and Sunday was dinner with Michael. Last night, after a one-day assignment of filling in scantron bubbles for order forms, Dallas and I headed out to the Grind for some conversation, then back to my house for Run Lola Run, one of my favorite movies. I think my libido will welcome Ramadan with open arms; I need a rest, and some time to reflect as well.

Speaking of Weekend Update, what the hell has gotten into the writers of Saturday Night Live? Some of the skits were pretty funny, but Weekend Update was childish and stupid this week. That makes me sad, because when Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon first took over anchor duties, I felt it was similar to the original hosting pair, Jane Curtin and Dan Akroyd.

My apologies to saturday-night-live.com, an unofficial fan site of SNL, but the following review of Weekend Update mirrors my opinions:

(NEWS) TINA FREAKIN' FEY!!

Okay, so she's always on Weekend Update. The jokes were okay, and unfortunately for Weekend Update, that was the high point of this partucularily unfunny Update (I know, unfunny Update is an oxymoron with Tina Fey). The Phil Collins going deaf thing was something that was funny, but not funny enough to laugh out loud at, much the reasoning behind the silence of the audience. I can't tell who the rapping baby was. Examining it, I'd say it isn't black, nor female. Not Jimmy, nor Horatio. Ah hell, Jeff Richards gets the credit, despite the wide range of male cast members it could've been (take cast out of male cast members, and you got Siegfried and Roy's new two man show). That was okay. Gene Schalit's jackass:the movie review was pretty much unfunny. I haven't seen the movie, but wouldn't everyone just love to see just on critic say "The funniest movie of the year" or even "funniest movie of the week"? I'd pay some money to see Roger Ebert give it a thumbs up. Oh well... Overall: B-

I don't agree with the reviewer though, who thought the monologue was funny. Basically, Eric McCormack flatly denied that he was gay, with crew members playing stereotypical homosexuals asking him questions (and not believing his responses) about his "gayness." Now, I'd like to think that I'm not one to get my proverbial panties in a wad about gay politics, but I was offended in general. Besides the fact that the joke got old before the punchline was uttered, why be so adamant? It's like saying "I don't have the Ebola virus!"

On the other hand, I guess I can't blame him. For quite a while, and still with some certain immediate family and friends, I was flatly denying that I am gay. It's just not fun to be put in a category where you feel you don't belong. But as someone in the spotlight, I think I would take a more diplomatic and P.C. way to express my heterosexuality. Hello, isn't he married? Just bring out your wife!

Bah! The paradox of being bisexual. . . Champion of Queer Rights, yet still immersed in Heterosexual thinking.

OK, TIME TO BE A BLOGGING FOOL!

Beware. . . lots of blog entries to come:

First off, I'd like to show you what search keywords might bring you to my site, according to my site meter:

Keyword

1. acoustiseal
2. dream jay diary
3. embarrassed naked
4. how do i see my friends mom naked in the shower
5. my sexual history
6. naked mija
7. naked mother who like to have sex with friends
8. outside public naked
9. the donnas naked

Apparently, nudity is going up in the search engine world. . .

VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN . . .

Time to go do my civic duty. . . *puts hand over heart in George Connor fashion*
Missouri voters, be informed voters.

HMMM . . . IT'S A SHAME I TAKE SUCH STOCK IN ASTROLOGY:

Jen sent me a link to my horoscope for the month, and it's put me in a wonderful mood. Good news on the job front, maybe I'll actually get active, despite what I've been doing lately. It even seems like I may not be as lonely, as I have been of late, despite my recent proclivities. Take a look, and see if I'm getting my hopes up or not.

I know I haven't blogged much lately, although I've had a lot to talk about. I've not been in the mood to write for the past few days, but I think I'm gettinn my second wind. However, it's 3 am, and me thinks it's time for bed. G'night, till tommorrow.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Last night, I went out with Dallas, his friend Greg (who is absolutely hilarious), and this random guy, Skippy. Now Skippy looks like he's about 14, and acts like it too. He was horribly enamored of me, but it just wasn't happening. But I had a good time teasing him. And a good time making fun of Dallas with Greg. Me thinks that's why I like him so much. Anyway, we had a good time, I had a few beers. I saw John for the first time in a couple months, we made small talk, but of course that was about it.

Mike and I are going out tonight, I'm dressed as a pimp, after he vetoed my original idea of a flasher. My friends never let me have any fun! I quit smoking tommorrow. . . wish me luck!

GREAT MOVIE LAST NIGHT

Went to see Punch Drunk Love with Mike last night. We both thoroughly enjoyed it. It was quirky, and funny, and the cinematography was excellent. Also, I couldn' t really sleep last night, and he told me that he "hasn't quite figured me out yet." I found that humorous, because I tend to think that I'm pretty and forthcoming about my life. But I also explained to him that most people just have an "idea" of what I'm about from my first impressions. So I could understand that. There are friends I have where I don't know many facts about them, but "Know" them, and then there are others who I know they're whole life story, yet don't feel like I can get close to them. I'd like to hope I'm somewhere in the middle.

Also, I've found that my peering eyes of voyeurism has made a certain blogger, who shall remain nameless, feel a bit uncomfortable about updating. It's the double-edged sword of blogging. You can feel free to be as open as you want, knowing that "anybody" could be reading it, yet can become quickly closed off if you know that a friend or family member is also pickin your brain.

REALLY, IT JUST KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER:

Googlism for: naked jay
naked jay is sneaking in on tricia as she is taking a shower

Who the hell is Tricia? I only have photographic evidence of sneaking in on one person while she was taking a shower :)

OH YEAH, AND ONE MORE THING. . .

Although I was greatly reassured by my friends that I'm not an evil child, I talked to mom when we got home, and it seems that she's been having the same thoughts running through her head as well. She told me she didn't think he'd make it through the surgery either, etc. However, she just couldn't vocalize it or be emotional about it, because she had to be relatively emotionally stable for Dad.

UPDATE: DAD IS OKAY!!!

Yesterday was a hectic, emotional day, but it's over. Dad's recovering well, in his own room. He'll probably be home friday. Today, though, he's so tired, weak, and in so much pain that he banished us from the room till further notice. So Mom's sleeping (she hardly slept all night) and I'm blogging. Go Figure. We'll probably go up tonight and see him for a few minutes anyway. I'm kind of a bad boy, because I'm not going to class tonight, but I called in already. I just don't think I could really sit in class for four hours anyway. I've only seen dad awake for about five minutes in the past few days, and I'd like to see him tonight.

So in other news, I'm now unemployed. Again. Apparently, Michelle went to see Jim, my former boss at BOA, and was informed of the news about Dad. In all the hubbub, I called BOA on monday, but forgot about Accountemps. When I woke up around 9 (oops), I was about to call BOA to let them know what happened, when Michelle called me, and told me that the assignment was terminated, b/c today was considered a "no-call, no-show." I apologized, but told her I assumed that with my four-year relationship with the company, that exceptions might be made. My mind hasn't exactly been on work these past four days. She wouldn't hear any of it. Apparently BOA is pissed at Accountemps, so they're pissed at me. Well, this is the second time that this temp agency has screwed me over, so fuck 'em. No more business from me, and no more possible referrals from my friends. I don't need that shit. The only thing that sucks, is that I REALLY liked this job. All well. Back to the old grind of unemployment, I guess.

"ARE YOU ITALIAN?"

Last night, I'd planned on cleaning my room, doing some laundry. A very relaxing night.

However, Mike and I had both taken naps yesterday, so we were wired for sound, and ready to go out. We were going to see a movie, but there was confusion on what time it was/what time the movie started. So we went to this bar that had a crappy live band, drank a few beers and played some darts. This large, old, drunk woman started flirting with us. Obviously, I wasn't impressed, but I always am nice to drunks who hit on me. I just can't be a bitch to drunks for some reason. Anyway, she asked if I was Italian, and then asked what I do with "that tongue thing." My reply, "Mostly suck cock, ma'am." Take the hint: Go far far away from me. She then asked Mike if he was Russian, apparently because he was wearing a stocking cap. Odd duck.

So then, we felt we definitely needed more drinks. (So much for a cheap night, with just a movie. All well, I was game.) So after grabbing cash from around the St. Louis area, we decided to go to Clementine's, a queer bar in Soulard. However, Mike didn't know exactly where it was, so we just drove around soulard for a while searching for it, than gave up and went to the Complex.

Lo and behold, who do we find there, but a very drunk Dallas. He went to a party with a friend from Grad School, and apparently "drank his weight in vodka and margaritas." And boy, did it show. Can we say, lean on me, so you don't fall off your bar stool?

Anyway, a good time was had by all, and I hope that stubborn bitch made it home alright. Dallas insisted he'd be okay to drive by the time the bar closed around 4 am (3 am, really, but there's that extra hour for turning back the clock.) I offered him my number, in case he needed a ride, but he said he'd be fine. Me thinks he thought I had ulterior motives, but I just didn't want him to drive home, and I assumed I lived closer to the complex than Mike.

Speaking of ulterior motives, on Friday night, I went out to get drunk, as was my goal. Needless to say, some good ol' fashioned making out ensued. Although it was a fluke, just that both of us were horny, it was fun all the same.

IF IT'S ON THE INTERNET, IT MUST BE TRUE. . . .

I'll be damned. You ARE bisexual AFTER all!

You sees "31 Flavors" as the ideal place to work.

You can get unequivocally turned on by eating Cheese 'n Crackers -

taking the little sticks from the wrapper and sliding them into the cheese.

You are definitely a sexual glutton, taking as much as you can ;)



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